AGHHHHH!!!

It was really cute when my first daughter was an infant and she began to suck her thumb. It was also very convenient not to deal with pacifiers - the thumb is always available and never gets lost in a crib at night or falls out and the baby can't get it back in, nor does it fall on the filthy floor of restaurants or stores. Then daughter #3 comes along and sucks two of her fingers - yes, cute.

Now these very cute girls are 3 1/2 and almost 4-years old. For the past six months we have tried rational discussions about the negative effects of thumbsucking, showed them photos online of what braces look like, and painted their nails with "the yucky stuff" as they call it (some foul tasting cactus extract for nail biters or thumb suckers...our pediadontist swore by it). They cried at the taste initially but eventually acquired a taste for it. Then we even resorted to taking a sock and covering their hand in it, then DUCT taping it so that they could not remove the sock. This has worked successfully with Claire so far. She is two weeks and going strong. But our sweet Lily - she is tenacious! She will chew, tear, and bite her way through any amount of tape.

I love her tenacity - except when it comes to thumbsucking. I ordered ThumbGuard for her - guaranteed that a child can not remove it. Except that Lily is like Houdini and has removed it already five times in the past 3 days. We've not had one successful night. I even took her to the toy store to pick out a handful of toys to be used as bribes - for each night that she keeps it on all night, she gets to pick a toy at breakfast. No luck yet.

I feel like I'm going to pull my hair out. It's so hard to know when and how hard to push our kids. Poor kiddo. I know it's so hard for her. I just have no idea how else to help her on this except to keep plugging away and encouraging her. So if any of you have bright ideas to share, help!

Needless to say our son uses a pacifer.

Child's perspective

You know the cartoon, Little Bill based on Bill Cosby's series of children's books? I was watching it with my daughters a few days ago and this particular episode included a baby that Little Bill (age 5) wanted to hold. At the end of the episode Lily turned to me and said, "mommy, next time lets get a baby like that one." Trying not to laugh, I responded, "you have one like that!" She said, "well, I want another baby brother like that." I'm not sure what she means by "like that." Is she referring to skin color, size, or the fact that the tv baby never cried and got into Little Bill's toys?

I've read that children typically don't notice skin color until around 4-years-old. My daughters often compare and contrast their eye color, hair and height but they have yet to notice, or at least verbalize different skin colors. I feel like my ears are tuned to high alert for any comments that might be related to adoption or race, so that I can help teach them positive and healthy views. Instead I hear them say things like ..."Zane's belly button is different from mine. It goes out a little bit and mine goes more in." "Zane has curly hair exactly like me!" (Lily has some curl in her hair). "Zane is so tiny but I am really big so I can stay up extra late, right mom?"

One of my favorite comments the girls have made about Zane, I may have mentioned before, I can't remember. He was splashing in the bath tub and the girls started screaming "Zane pooped on himself! He pooped in the bathtub!" I said, "Uh, no, that is part of his body" and then went on to remind them of the differing boy and girl parts.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Zane!

Today is Zane's first birthday! We have enjoyed a full 24 hours of celebration. Last night we feasted at an Ethiopian restaurant here in town. We enjoyed talking to the couple who own the restaurant. They have lived here for 30 years now. The couple told us they are gathering emails from families that come into the restaurant that have adopted Ethiopian children in hopes of coordinating a night where we all come together to feast. I was thrilled! We only know 1 other family here that has also adopted from ET, although there are a number of families in the process. We have been anxious to get connected to other adopting families and the Ethiopian community in general. We feel it's important to help Zane grow up with an understanding of and connection to Ethiopia. On top of that this couple told us the local Ethiopian Women's Association is trying to coordinate a monthly get together where they would teach Amharic, culture and history to Ethiopian children. I feel so encouraged and excited for these opportunities to learn more and teach not just Zane, but all our kids more about Ethiopia.

Last night I went to the grocery after we put the kids to bed and I was buying stuff to make his cake. I felt such joy picking out the ingredients (and no, I'm not much a cook to begin with so this is not a normal feeling) and thinking "I get to bake a cake for my son!" I am richly blessed to have this sweet son in my life, to share life with him daily, and to bake his first birthday cake. Who knew I could feel such a sense of joy on the spice and baking aisle?

I also think about his birthmother in Ethiopia and my heart aches for her especially today. We were so blessed to meet her while in Addis Ababa. I can sit here and picture her holding Zane as we spoke - it was outside the National Cathedral. We were standing under the eaves while it was pouring this deafening rain all around us. I imagine today especially she is full of thoughts of Zane, and remembering not only the day he was born but also that day holding him. I pray that God gives her peace and eases the ache in her heart that must be unbearable at times. I hope somehow she will know that I think of her often with gratitude that she has allowed me to be his mommy, and also with heartache that she was unable to keep him and enjoy all these moments with her son. I am very hopeful that one day we can return with Zane and find her again.

In our attempt to insert something about Ethiopia into every aspect of Zane's birthday celebration we went to cheer on the runners at today's local marathon. How is this local marathon related to Ethiopia? Primarily because Ethiopian's dominate this sport. Also because last year's female winner was from Addis Ababa. Also because February 16, 2007 we requested an application from Gladney (our adoption agency). Zane was born February 17, 2007. AND on February 18, Chris and I both ran the local marathon. To think this baby boy that would soon become our son was born the day prior.

We came home, fed the kids, everyone took naps. We had some family over this evening to share dinner and cake. I think Zane beamed the most when we sang happy birthday to him. Here are pictures from our savored 24 hours:

Great Ideas Come in Small Packages

I've mentioned here before that we often are asked if L&C are twins. For some reason I used to feel the need to explain, "no they aren't twins. They are five months apart. We adopted when I was pregnant." A common follow up question is "which is yours?" Ummm...both!

Now I just answer the twin question by smiling and saying, "Nope. Just close in age." And going on our merry way, catching L's eye and winking like it's our inside joke.

Today she looked at me and said, "Mommy, we should just start saying yes."

Sometimes, my baby girl, I feel the same way!

Fun Pics

My parents got a new pup, a yorkie, named Duke. The girls have been dying to meet him so we went after naps today. Z loves dogs and couldn't keep his hands off Duke. We were trying to encourage Z to be "gentle" lest Duke bite him. Z was trying to grab Duke's nose, hug and cuddle with him.


From yesterday's Valentine's - my two cupids were making choco dipped strawberries for their daddy. Being the super dad that he is, he brought them each an individually wrapped big fat white rose. They were thrilled! C was singing "hey, hey, hey, it's a perfect day."

I have to agree. It was one of those perfect days where everything seemed slow and easy, no major meltdowns, the kids all took great naps and were extra sweet to one another (and their mama!). Plus my honey took me out for a dinner date (sans children).

Paranoid

All moms are paranoid to some extent when it comes to parenting. Am I doing this right, am I totally screwing this child up, is my child still breathing in their crib, is my child developing ok, etc. Some of it is certainly healthy analysis but definitely some paranoia in there as well.

Our son was feeling crummy on Sunday so I was attempting to hold him and rock him to sleep as opposed to putting him in his crib to fall asleep on his own. I rarely rock him to sleep because he falls asleep so quickly by just placing him in his crib with his favorite blanket and pacifier. While attempting to soothe his fussiness and rock him to sleep, Z was fighting it and fighting me - flailing around like he really just wanted me to lay him down and leave him alone. I found myself fighting back, trying to convince him to let me rock him and asking myself, "does he not trust me enough to fall asleep in my arms? Have I screwed this up already?! Is he not attaching to me?" Poor Z, the little guy was feeling crummy already and here I was forcing my insecurities on him, making him let me rock him to sleep. He finally gave in.

Z has been with us now 6 months and lately I find myself psycho analyzing (attempting!) his every facial expression, his reactions to my voice, my affection, his reactions to me soothing him, playing with him - you name it. I am totally putting this guy under the microscope. I'm waiting for him to roll his eyes at me.

When I find myself feeling nutty over attachment and bonding, I have to remind myself of how his face lights up when he sees me, how he claps his hands and flaps his arms when I pick him up from the church nursery or return home when he has been with a babysitter, or how when he bonked his head the other day he only wanted me to hold him, and how he snuggles up close to me when he first wakes up and "mouths" my cheek in an attempt to give me kisses.

Ah well, I'm sure it won't be my last crazy mom moment. It will be for today though since all the kids are thankfully in bed!

Worth Blogging

Aside from our everyday life - which is extremely crazy and wonderful at the same time - I feel I have nothing to blog about that would interest anyone. And then as I was sitting here scanning through other Ethiopia Adoption/Gladney blogs, I read this amazing story that you all must read.

If you haven't clicked the link yet and are still reading my post I will attempt a summary. Each year Gladney hosts its Bright Futures Camps where they arrange for older (6yrs-16yrs) Ethiopian orphans to come live with host families in the U.S. for a couple weeks in hopes of finding permanent homes for these beautiful children. One family, while in Ethiopia picking up their daughter learned of a sibling set (3 kids - 1 tween girl, 1 teen girl and 1 17 yr boy) that still needed a host family and the Bright Futures Camp was very quickly approaching. Since this family was already "Gladney approved" they said that the Kinfe kids (the 3 siblings) could come stay with them during the Camp. Anyway the kids had a fantastic time but were unable to find a family. This is still the case and on top of it, all 3 kids currently live in 3 different orphanages, and the oldest will soon age out of adoption eligibility (when he turns 18).

Something truly incredible and inspiring recently occurred. You can now click to the link and read about it here. If you still haven't clicked to the link, click now to read about the $85,000 that was raised by college students to not only cover the full cost of adopting these children but also will go towards college funds. Now we just need to find the parents that will adopt this trio!

Pass it on!